A comforter as a transitional object: what is it and why does it help?

A transitional object is a special item, often a comforter or soft toy, from which a child draws comfort and security when their parent isn’t around for a while. It helps your child through transitions, such as saying goodbye, falling asleep or going to nursery. The concept comes from the British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott and is completely normal and healthy.

What is a transitional object?

Many children have one: that one comforter that has to go everywhere with them, or the soft toy with the worn-out ear. An item like this is called a transitional object. It’s something your child “chooses” themselves and that gives a familiar feeling: it smells of home, it feels familiar and it’s always there.

The word “transitional” already says what it’s about. At first, a young child is completely dependent on their parents. Step by step, they learn that they can manage without them for a while, and that Daddy or Mummy will come back. The comforter or soft toy helps them take that step: a little piece of security from home that your child can keep with them.

Who was Donald Winnicott?

Donald Winnicott (1896–1971) was an influential British paediatrician and psychoanalyst. He introduced the concept of the transitional object in the 1950s. According to Winnicott, such an object forms a bridge between the safety of the parent and the outside world. A child uses it to comfort themselves, and over time the object takes on a symbolic meaning: it stands for security at moments when the parent isn’t there. In this way, a child learns to tolerate the parent’s absence and understand that they will come back.

Winnicott is also known for the idea of the “good enough” parent. Parents don’t need to be perfect. It’s precisely the small imperfections, such as a parent who doesn’t respond immediately, that give a child the chance to learn to deal with frustration and become more independent. A comforter can offer comfort in those moments.

Winnicott also emphasised the importance of play. For him, play was the place where a child is free to be creative, process emotions and learn to understand the world. He saw the transitional object as one of the first steps in that play: the comforter belongs to the child, who can talk to it, look after it and take it everywhere.

Why does a comforter help your child?

A comforter can give your child something to hold on to at various moments:

• When saying goodbye: at drop-off at nursery or with the childminder.
• When going to sleep: as a regular part of the bedtime routine, once your child is old enough.
• In new places: sleepovers, holidays or a hospital visit.
• In times of tension or sadness: after a fall, at a vaccination or when things get a bit much.
• During independent play: the comforter gives a familiar feeling while your child explores their surroundings.

A comforter doesn’t replace your comfort. It’s an addition that helps your child learn to reassure themselves a little.

From when does a child become attached to a comforter?

Many children become attached to a particular item at some point in the second half of their first year or in their second year. This often coincides with the period in which a child becomes more aware of goodbyes and experiences stranger anxiety. There’s no fixed age, and not every child has a transitional object. Some children comfort themselves with a thumb, a dummy or a regular ritual. That’s normal too.

You can offer a comforter, but your child decides for themselves whether it “becomes” something. A few tips:

• Offer a comforter during calm moments together, for example while feeding or reading aloud, under supervision.
• Keep the comforter close to you for a while so that it smells of you.
• Always use the same comforter so that it becomes familiar.

Is a comforter safe in the cot?

For safe sleep, a clear cot is recommended for young babies: no loose soft toys, comforters, pillows or duvets. So in the first months, a comforter is mainly something for awake time under supervision. When you can give a comforter or soft toy in bed depends on your child’s age and development. Follow the current safe sleep advice and ask your health visitor if you’re unsure.

When choosing a comforter, also check:

• Size: a small comforter is easy to hold.
• No loose parts: embroidered details instead of buttons or plastic eyes.
• No long ribbons or cords.
• CE marking: suitable from 0 months and compliant with the European safety requirements for toys (EN 71).
• Material: soft and breathable, for example soft toys and comforters made of organic cotton.

Practical tips for parents

• Buy two. If the comforter gets lost or needs washing, you’ll have a spare. Swap them now and then so both smell familiar.
• Don’t wash it too often. The familiar smell is important to your child. Wash the comforter when needed, and then give it a cuddle so it smells “of you” again.
• Take it with you. To nursery, on sleepovers or on holiday. Check with the nursery how they handle it.
• Put a name in it. That way a lost comforter comes back sooner.
• Respect the bond. A grubby or worn comforter is often your child’s favourite. Don’t just replace it.

When does a child stop using a comforter?

There’s no fixed age for this. Many children still regularly need their comforter in the toddler and pre-school years, and use it less and less as they become more independent. Often it stays around for a while just as a bedtime companion. You don’t need to force phasing it out; it usually happens naturally. If you’re worried about how your child deals with goodbyes or tension, discuss it with your health visitor or GP.

If you notice that your child is mainly unsettled in the evening, a calm bedtime routine can help; also read sleep problems in children caused by overstimulation.

A comforter as a gift

A comforter is a popular new baby gift: small, soft and something a child sometimes keeps with them for years.

Toys from this article

• comforters
• organic cotton soft toys

Frequently asked questions

What is a transitional object?

A transitional object is a special item, such as a comforter or soft toy, from which a child draws comfort when their parent isn’t there for a while. The concept comes from the paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. It helps a child become more independent step by step.

From what age can a comforter go in the cot?

For young babies, a clear cot is recommended, without loose soft toys or comforters. When a comforter can go in the cot depends on your child’s age and development. Follow the current safe sleep advice and ask your health visitor if you’re unsure.

Does it matter if my child doesn’t want a comforter?

No. Not every child chooses a transitional object. Some children comfort themselves with a thumb, dummy or regular ritual, and others mainly need you. That’s all normal.

Should I wash a comforter often?

Wash the comforter when needed, but not too often: the familiar smell is important to your child. With two identical comforters you can alternate, so there’s always one that’s clean and familiar.

How long does a child keep a comforter?

That varies from child to child. Many children still regularly use their comforter in the toddler and pre-school years and need it less and less as they become more independent. Phasing it out usually happens naturally.